Work it, Make it, Do it, makes us Harder, better, faster, stronger!

Phew...today is day 9 in to this journey, and right now I literally feel like I have been on a long trek over some rough terrain.  However, I know that what I have gotten through so far has been the beginning and it is making me stronger.  It hasn't killed me, and it won't.  I have completely thrown myself in to this process, and I am loving the results and how I feel.

So, I did take today off from training, I needed to.  When I woke up this morning I was just exhausted.  I haven't stopped going at all this week.  I literally would go from work, to workout, to go eat lunch, back to work, make dinner, and go to bed.  Then I would get up the next day and do it all over again.  The only day this week that I actually had a lot of free time was yesterday...and I spent it on campus at CSCC getting my education lined up.  I am still pretty busy (getting a little extra work done right now for Go Fitness), but taking that hour off from a workout made me feel relaxed.  Still trying not to think about what I need to do after I leave work...(laundry, grocery, grab gift for party, clean apartment, eat...)!

After having a nice talk with my friend last night, I have decided to push starting classes back to June 18th.  No, this doesn't mean I have doubts, nor does it mean that I am afraid.  I just need to focus all my energy on this journey I have started with weight loss.  By June 18th, I will have completed the metabolic circuit, and devoted myself to making this a lifestyle change.  I think it is important to do it this way.  Mary (my friend) didn't tell me what to do, she helped me walk through how I was feeling (slightly overwhelmed yesterday) and make a decision.  I feel good about this.  I am really excited for starting college again, too. 

So, it's the weekend...every person who's on a journey like mine knows that this is the hard time of the week.  More free time, more temptations, and more desire to relax.  I have found that if I go in to the weekend with a plan that I feel a lot better.  I did very well last weekend, and I am hoping that this one will be no different.  Tomorrow night, I am going to Fashion Rocks the Cure.  This is a breast cancer awareness benefit, that is put together by my good friend Amee Bell-Wanzo (a breast cancer survivor).  This is the sister event to Columbus Rocks the Cure, and promises to be a very good time.  If you are in Columbus, and have aren't busy tomorrow - COME OUT!  

If you ever think about giving up on your goal of health or fitness, please think of Amee. While Amee was going through chemotherapy for breast cancer, she organized a fundraiser.  Even more impressive, is she still performed alongside her RAWKING band Black Eyed Betty at the show.  The event, Columbus Rocks the Cure is now in it's 4th year, and has expanded.  Amee is not only a good friend to me, but she is also an inspiration to never give up.  Amee works out constantly, participates in various local boards, fronts a band, and organizes fundraisers.  She's a great friend, a wife, a caretaker of 3 kick-ass dogs, and works 40+ hours a week.  Forget Beyonce or Michael Jordan, I wanna be like Amee!

Damn, It was a good day....

Yep, that's right folks, a very good day.  I had to get up for work at 4:30am today, and I worked until 9am.  I then jumped right in to my circuit workout with Coach Kathleen.  I was really getting in to this workout.  Started off again with burpees (damn the existence of these things & whomever thought them up!), and then rolled in to some other pretty intense moves.  I was feeling really strong, and getting my heart rate in the right zone.  I was just cruising along...then she says, "Ok, that's it, you're done".  My reaction was probably odd.  "Serious?! We're done?  I feel like I'm just getting started!", I said.  Haha...probably should have kept that to myself.  So, instead of checking out for the day, I went in to the cardio room and did another 30 minutes in intervals.  So, after 60 minutes of working out, I had burned 610 calories.  Not too shabby if I do say so myself. 

Tomorrow I am going to do my next metabolic circuit with my former trainer (and friend), Katrina (featured in yesterday's blog).  I am very excited to get to see her, and to get out on the floor to do work.  She is definitely an inspiration to me.  She may blow me out of the water with her abilities, but I am going to do my best - and that is what is important.  It will be day 9 out of 10 for me...so I just need to be wary.  I don't want to go in to workout overload, which is counterproductive.  I am definitely taking Saturday & Sunday off from training. I am sure (hope) my muscles will thank me & forgive me for all the hell I've put them through. 

I've got another big item in my future today: I go to meet with my Advisor at Columbus State to discuss what classes I will need to take for my Associates in Radiology.  I made the decision roughly 30 days ago to go back to school, and I am very excited to get started.  I am a little worried to take on too much at once, but I feel good about where I am working out (feeling like it's becoming a habit, and not a hassle).  I will be able to do this.  One of the great things is that I do have a job that is very supportive of what I am doing. 

Something that I reminded myself of today, was the entire thought process of "Live in the Now".  I have to be very vigilant with this.  I don't need to be thinking of what I looked like 10 years, 5 years, or 7 months ago.  I can't focus on what I want to look like in 10 months either.  I need to focus on now.  Right here and now is where I am, and it is the only thing I truly control.  If I do the right work right now, I will get to where I want to be.  Focus. 

So, heading in to the weekend, I am having a great time!  I am thrilled with my progress, aware of what I need to do next, and focused on my future.  I know that all these changes will take time, but that is the one thing I have plenty of! 

"Do not look back on happiness or dream of it in the future. You are only sure of today; do not let yourself be cheated out of it."

- Henry Ward Beecher

She Works Hard for the....

WEIGHT LOSS! Yes, folks that's right, weight loss. Today was officially 1 week in to the 5 week metabolic circuit. Today, I officially weigh 207 lbs (it was slightly under that, but rounding is so much easier). Was I expecting this, no. Am I thrilled, yes! There's nothing like seeing progression in anything you do to push yourself harder.

Some of you might be saying, “Well, is 2 pounds good? I mean, on the Biggest Loser they lose like 5 – 10 pounds in a week”. Simply, the answer is YES! First of all, I am not off on some remote ranch with people watching over every single minute of my life. Second, I am still working at my normal job, dealing with normal stress, and trying to still be social. Third, I do not have over 100 pounds to lose, and I am not someone that is in the “beginning” stages of working out. The more weight you have to lose, the faster it comes off, at first. Especially if you are someone that is going from a completely sedentary life, to one of adding at least 20 minutes of cardio to your daily routine. For the average human being, normal & healthy weight loss is 2-3 pounds a week. I have fit myself in to being normal (I'm sure that will surprise many of you)!

Michael pointed out to me last night that I refer to my workouts, but that I have never explained them. Part of the reason is that they are trademarked by the gym I work at. Like many other businesses, our industry has a lot of trade secrets. Each gym has to compete with each other, through equipment, training, and pricing. Me spewing all of our secrets would be very counterproductive. What I can tell you is the definitions of each type of training I am doing.

• Interval Training: training that involves bursts of high-intensity work interspersed with periods of low-intensity work. The high-intensity periods are typically at or close to anaerobic exercise, while the recovery periods may involve either complete rest or activity of lower intensity
• Metabolic Circuit: completing structural and compound exercises with little rest in between exercises in an effort to maximize calorie burn and increase metabolic rate during and after the workout.
• Circuit Training: form of conditioning combining resistance training and high-intensity aerobics. It is designed to be easy to follow and target strength building as well as muscular endurance.

Right now I am doing 5 days a week: 2 with my trainer doing intense circuit training, 2 on my own doing metabolic circuits (and usually at least 20 minutes of intervals on a treadmill), and 1 day of 30 minutes of cardio. I have my range for my heart rate, a goal for calorie burn, and a time frame I should aim for to do these workouts. My goal is to stay within these areas so that I can reach maximum training potential. Some days it is easier than others (yesterday felt great, but today was a tough one). However, on those days when I feel like my legs are rocks, or that I just don't have the juice, I push. I make myself uncomfortable. I have been close to vomiting, I have wheezed, and I usually have sweat dripping from me.

What each person needs to figure out when they start on any fitness journey is this: What do they want their end goal to be? For some it will be weight-loss, for some weight-gain, for some toning, and for some it will just be to have more energy. Each person has their own wants. The important thing is trying to make sure that your want is inline with your need. What the heck does that mean? It means that if someone walked in to our gym today and said they wanted to lose 10 pounds, but it would make them unhealthy by medical standards, we would try to educate & work with them. If someone came in and said they only wanted to lose 10 pounds, but medically they really needed to lose between 50-100 we would explain why and do our best to help them. Remember, always seek medical advice before starting any fitness program. Also, don't compare yourself to someone else at the gym. Every person's journey is different.

Okay – so enough harping. After all, I am sure you don't read this for me to give you medical definitions you could find online. So, today was week 1. Last week I made a commitment to myself that regardless of whether the scale moved or not, that I would judge my success on how I felt after 1 week. I must tell you, when I woke up this morning the first thing I thought of was getting my workout in. I feel stronger. I notice that I stand up straighter. I weigh food decisions without prompting. I am changing. I am on my way. I'm not perfect, and this past week hasn't been either. However, I did meet my goal of getting in to the gym at least 4 days during week 1. From Wednesday, March 21^st till today, I was in the gym every day but Sunday. Yep, folks that 7 days out of 8. Honestly, I really didn't even realize it had been that much until I sat down and thought about it today. I was just doing the workouts I had been given and following Kathleen's advice. She has taken some of the thinking out of it for me, and with everything else I have going on in my life, I need that.

Today was the first day of the second set of metabolic circuits that I do on my own. I loved the first set I was doing, so I think I underestimated this one...just a bit! Let's just say that I still hate burpees. In this circuit there are 3 cycles, each with 3 exercises. You are to do 12 reps of each individual exercise, 2-4 times through (meaning that you will do each cycle 2 to 4 times before moving on to the next cycle of exercises). I started by going through each Cycle 2 times, then finished it up with a 3^rd time through. Your goal is to get through 2-4 times through each cycle in 30 minutes. I finished 3 sets of each cycle in 32 minutes. I had no energy to do a 4^th, or I would have despite the time. I'm listening to my body. I was whooped! So, today I did 36 burpees, 36 recline pull-ins, 36 crunches on a stability ball w/ a 25lb medicine ball, 36 straight leg dead-lifts with 20lb weights, 36 rubber band chest presses, 36 rubber band bent over pull-downs, 36 squats (w/ 20 lbs on each shoulder) on a dynadisc, 36 overhead presses with 15lb weight, and 36 glute press with 30lbs on my hips. I did all that within 32 minutes, taking 15-30second rests between each of them, and I burned 417 calories. Then, despite being drained, I hopped on an incline trainer and did 20 minutes of intervals, finishing with a 2 minute sprint. Total workout ended up being 52 minutes with 638 calories burned. Yeah, it was tough. However, I did it. I DID IT. No one else can do this for me, they can support me, but they can't lose that weight for me. I am proving it to myself. I hope that I am helping you prove to yourself that you can do it too.

"Some people dream of success... while others wake up and work hard at it." ~Author Unknown

Testament to the Trainers Who Brought Me This Far:

Dinos Angelas



Yep, ladies & gentlemen, I worked out with this man.  Sure looks scary, huh?  Dinos is a former MMA fighter, and collegiate wrestler.  I worked out at the gym that Dinos used to work at for 6 years.  He was there when I started, and there when I left.  Even though I didn't start working with him until the last 6 months of me being at that gym, he always knew who I was, he always encouraged me.  Dinos taught me boxing, and helped me believe in myself again.  I truly believe that I was lucky to be getting some leg-lifts in when he had some free time one day and stopped to chat.  From that day forth, he pushed me.  He knew I was hurting, and that I needed help.  He was there daily to remind me I was worth it.  He pushed me.  I owe the first 29 pounds of my weight loss to him and his faith in me.  He looks scary, but he's one of the most caring persons I have ever met.  Don't get me wrong, he doesn't know the meaning of, "I can't" and will kick your ass (literally)!

Katrina DeCarufel

How could anyone this sweet-looking be a trainer? Oh, yeah, I thought that to myself.  Then I put on my gloves and took my first Strike Class (mixed martial arts, kickboxing, circuit style).  Whoa!  While Katrina is a true Southern Belle (she is from North Carolina, and sadly moving back there), she has found a way to make that southern sweetness push you past your limits.  Maybe it's just that no matter what she says, it just sounds nice, so you do it!  I adored working out with her, because she knew when I needed to get that stress out.  It was like she was a mind reader.  She definitely always had her hands full, Strike class was usually 8 laughing, loud ladies (well, we were laughing & loud at least).  Katrina taught me that strength can be beautiful. 

Kathleen Sickles

I have a feeling that Kathleen will not be thrilled about this photo, but I find it to be hilarious (and I am now sure I will pay for this).  Kathleen is my current Coach, and the person you will likely hear most about.  She's 11 years younger than me, and her faith in my ability pushes me.  She's patient with me, but she doesn't take no for an answer.  I chose to work with Kathleen after I watched her put herself through some crazy workouts.  I also have trust in her.  When you work with a trainer you have to be ready to divulge your deepest fears.  She's with me on this.  I could do this without her...maybe...but right now I need her guidance & support.  I know that Kathleen is there for me, and I enjoy our workouts (sicko).  I'm lucky to have her!

If you want to know where any of these fabulous trainers work, please message me.  They all are unique in their ways, and all have plenty of successes behind them.  I'm lucky to have gotten to work with all three.  It's due to them that I know that I can complete this journey. 

I don't care if Monday's blue....Tuesday's grey & Wednesday too

If you can't tell by the title, this week is a little rough.  I had a great workout yesterday, finished my metabolic circuit in 15 minutes & then did my 20 minutes of interval training (total calories 410 in 35 minutes).  I'm happy about that, it's just something else...can't quite put my finger on it.  I don't know if it's nerves that I'm coming up on one week and am afraid that the scale will not have budged.  I don't know if it's just that I feel like some of my clothes are fitting tighter, not the same or loose.  Hell, it could be that I'm spending a little too much time in my head, and that is a scary place to be at times. 

Realistically, I may have gained weight this week.  I feel all sorts of muscles I haven't felt in a while.  My cardio abilities have improved significantly.  I definitely feel stronger.  So, why the hell is my head messing with me?

As a trained Sociologist (okay...so I just have my Bachelor's, but that is training!), I would say that my mind is so focused on trying to maintain status quo, that's is trying to sabotage me.  Having felt down on myself for the last 25 years or so (I give myself a few happy, unbothered by weight years as a child) for my size, I think my mind is trying to keep me from changing that.  I mean, cutting all those new pathways to better thought processes will be a lot of work for my brain to do!  So, maybe it's just trying to keep me here, in a fat suit. 

The problem is that I do not want to be in a fat suit.  I want to be able to wear attractive, form fitting clothes.  I want to be looked at & noticed for something other than my "great boobs" (I honestly find them to be annoying most often, just 1 cup smaller would be nice).  I want to be thought of in ways other than, "Wow, she'd be really pretty if she wasn't so heavy".  Is want enough?  Hell, is need enough?

I've got an amazing man in my life, who constantly tells me that I am gorgeous, that he loves my body, and that he wouldn't change anything.  Even though he says those things, that negative nelly in my head just fires off a bunch of punches to my ego to remind me that he could leave me at any moment for someone better.  That sucks.  It sucks for Michael that I do this, and it sucks for me to feel that way.  He definitely is in my corner 100%, so why the heck does my internal asshole have to chime in? I think if I could answer that question that I would be on my way to being a millionaire. 

So, as I struggle this week with keeping those negative thoughts at bay, I'll keep pushing through those workouts.  I'll keep making better eating choices.  I'll keep doing the extra workouts I need.  I'll keep saying thank you to a compliment, when I'd rather say whatever.  I'll just keep trying...that's all any one can do.

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"

~ Dr. Seuss

Me & my amazing man, Michael.  He encourages me every day, reminds me of how special I am, and is always trying to bring my spirits up.  I've been lucky to find my soulmate, and I won't forget that.  He has agreed to help push me (when needed) through this journey, and to be a rock when I feel like I'm getting blown away.  Love is an amazing thing.

Ahhhhhhh....Push It! Ahhhhhh....Push it!

That's totally what working out on Saturday felt like.  I was awake, excited about it, ready to go...then when I got to the gym & hopped on the treadmill to do intervals...WHAM!  My body was like, "Ahhhh....hell no, working out again today?  We have no juice left!  What do you think we are, a machine?  Just go home & go back to bed!".  Total and absolute revolt from my legs and my mind.  So, what did I do?  I kept my arse up on the treadmill, entered in my interval, and spent 30 minutes arguing with my body.  However, I did it.  I finished it, and while doing it I was able to burn 340 calories.  The bonus?  I felt much better afterwards (still had exhausted legs), and I was proud of myself for pushing through.  Pride is a huge emotion, and was very helpful for me.  Made me realize that I CAN do anything I set my mind to. 

Another reason I just had to do this workout was that Michael's family was coming to town to celebrate his 30th birthday.  I knew that we were planning to eat at Thurman's that day for lunch, and I was going to have a burger.  I knew that I would need those extra calories that day.  I did have a burger (ate 1/2 of it...there was NO way I was going to be able to finish that, never have).  Even better was that I only ate a few french fries.  Fries are a major weakness for me, and I was very proud that I didn't try to eat them all.  Usually I go for the fries first (because they get cold quicker), but I went in with a plan. I stuck to my plan.  I beat the french fried demon.  Success!!

I also knew that we were going to spend the rest of the day walking around Short North, just meandering and looking at stores.  We ended up stopping for coffee (I had regular coffee, folks), checking out a few art galleries, going for a wine tasting, and then having dinner at Short North Tavern.  There is NOTHING healthy on their menu.  So, I did the next best thing.  I asked Michael to split a meal with me.  I still felt full, and I saved myself a boatload of calories.  Just another little trick I've learned. 

I had a lot of questions whirring through my head all day.  I was having a day of self-doubt with my reflection (translation:  I was not liking what I saw in the mirror).  I have been having some struggles with some relationships that I feel are falling apart, forever questioning whether I am a good person, and I constantly compare myself to how others look.  So, despite successes in getting through a workout that was tough, I was still feeling mildly down on myself.  I am pretty good at hiding these emotions, so I didn't ruin anyone else's day (that I know of), but I know these are things I need to deal with.  These are obstacles in my overall journey to getting healthy.  Health isn't just numbers on a scale or body fat percentages.  It's emotional, mental, physical, and verbal.  These are all parts of my life that I need to work on.  I am taking baby-steps so I don't overwhelm myself, but I am working on it.  The question then becomes, "When and how do I address some of these situations?".  That is one that I need to think on some more.  I have always been quick to react, rather than thinking things through.  So, I am going to try to allow things to just take a natural course before I do anything rash.  Part of me is hoping that gaining physical health will help me to build up to handling some things I don't want to.  Time will tell. 

I'd like to leave you with one final thought before I rush off to the gym to start a new week of training.  Today, I am working out on my own, doing my Metabolic workout & intervals.  However, I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to get this done.  That's a big step on a Monday!

"Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and importance, although difficult, is the highroad to pride, self-esteem, and personal satisfaction.” - Margaret Thatcher

Picture is of my friend

Mary & I.  She came & helped me out on Saturday by decorating my apartment for Michael's surprise party.  Mary has been working on her weight loss journey as well.  She has done an AMAZING job.  So, I thought Mary was deserving of some KUDOS in this blog for being an AWESOME friend & INSPIRING woman.  Thanks lady!

Squats, squats, squats, squat, squat, squats, squats, squat, squat, squats, squats, squat, squat, squat, Everybody!

I think that pretty much sums up my workout for today.  I felt like the Coach Kathleen was saying, "how about some rows...with a side of squats!"  Yep, that seems about right.  Please understand that it was a GREAT workout and I feel amazing right now.  I have a lot of sore spots (if you saw me right now you would think I was a muscle-head with how I am holding my arms), but it is a good sore.  The sore that you know you did something right.  The sore that makes you ache for more (see what I did there?)!  Yep, I'm getting addicted...and I like it!

In addition, I just have a really good mind set right now.  I spoke with Coach K about some things that I wanted to clear up about nutrition & progress.  I wanted to be sure that all these things I had learned before (like don't drink diet soda) were accurate.  She explained that aspartame really isn't good for your body, and it makes your body crave sweets because it's not getting the sugar it thinks it is.  Ok, well I guess it's good that I have mostly kicked that Diet Coke habit (every one in a while I get a HUGE craving and cave in, thank God I've never been addicted to crack or anything serious!).

Now progress was a little different.  I asked if we could do a Week 3 review, to see if I am reaching my goals.  Take measurements again, photos (maybe), and review my initial set of goals.  I want to do this for me, so that I can see the progress.  I already feel better in 3 days, but that is only focusing on energy levels & listening to how my body feels.  I do need to see the scale go down, and the numbers from my measurements decrease.  However, as many of you know I am a realist. Meaning that I know that I cannot expect miracles (I am not on the Biggest Loser and only eating 1000 calories a day).  I know that realistically by week 3 I could (or should) see around 4-8lbs gone, probably around 2-3% body-fat, and 3-5in from places on my body.  Do I wish it would be higher, YES (duh!)?! However, I know that weight loss takes time.  I didn't put 70 pounds on my body overnight, so it won't come off that way either.  I also know that when you start a new exercise program that you may initially see a weight gain & some times even a few inches in some areas.  Your muscle fiber is changing.  This can cause all sorts of changes, and some that you may not want.  However, in the long run I know that it will create the results I want.

So, here's Day 3, and I had measurements and photos today. I wasn't happy when I saw the photos (it's amazing how your perception can change when you see yourself in a photo).  Normally I think that I look okay.  I know that I'm over-weight, but I always tell myself that I carry it well.  I don't always like what I see in photos, and today was no different. I was pretty sad, but then I did my workout with Kathleen and just was ecstatic at how well I did with her.  I guess it just goes to show that strength is not always easy to see.

Measurements:
Neck: 14"
Shoulders: 45.5"
Chest: 38.5"
Arm: 14.75"
Ribs: 36.5"
Belly Button:  39"
Hips: 44.5"
Upper Leg: 29"
Lower Leg: 21"
Calf: 17"
(photos will be posted soon)

Shootin' at the walls of heartache, bang, bang, I am the warrior!

Just thought I'd give those of you who don't know a head's up on the photo that is currently the backdrop of my Blog.  In June of 2011, I participated in the Warrior Dash - 3.2 miles of obstacles & mud!  I was at my heavy weight (roughly 222 in this photo), but I was determined I would complete this race.  So, at 2:30pm on a sweltering Sunday afternoon I lined up to start.  Sure, I was scared, but I knew deep down that I would be able to make it through the race.  I didn't skip a single obstacle, I didn't fall down, and I never quit.  I pushed through to the very end - jumped over the fire, army-crawled through the mudpit, and crossed the finish line.  True, I wasn't the fastest, but I finished.  In life we just need to finish.

"Always finish strong, if you fail, try and try again, never give up!"  - unknown

I have a big butt (and I can't deny)...

Yep, that's me on the right.  I'm little in the middle, but I've got much back. Sir Mix A Lot released that song in my 8th grade year, and it has haunted me ever since.  See, I was blessed with a great last name (Back), and I just so happen to have always had an ass.  I'm not ashamed of it, I like having a derriere that men look at.  However, it's all the extras that go along with it that keep me from being so thrilled.  I've got Back, Leg, Hip, Belly, & Arm.  I don't want it, but I have it.  So, now is the time to get rid of it.

Don't get me wrong, I like some things about being a bigger girl (having a D-cup has its advantages), but it's time to change.  I don't want to risk my health, and leading a long life because I carry too much excess body fat.  I've done the yo-yo diets, the weight watchers, the boot camps (literally, I was in the Navy), and the starving myself.  None of these  have worked long term.  So, I'm looking for a real-life, long-term solution to always being the "bigger" girl.  I'm not perfect, and I won't get through this without hiccups & mistakes.  However, I am going to try, and I want this.  So, let's go.

When I got out of High School I weight 148 pounds (at 5'5"), and I was always considered a big girl.  Guys in my school didn't want to date me, because I wasn't a stick figure.  I had defined abs that I loved to show off, and my legs were big, but solid muscle.  I then went in to the Navy and came out 15 pounds heavier, with even more muscle (I didn't need bigger legs!!).  I had to buy all new clothes, and it was a hard transition for me.  I didn't look at my weight gain as a positive back then, I only saw the number.  This was probably the start of my downward trend of stress/negative thoughts/food consumption.  

I then went off to College at Ohio University (hello hills from hell!), and maintained my weight up until my Sophomore year, when I turned 21.  Oh...beer..how I love thee!  Going out 3-4 nights a week, eating after we would get home, and not getting in exercise took it's toll quickly.  I soon was up to 183 pounds, buying bigger sizes, and slowly growing disgusted with myself.  You know how that goes, "I feel like crap, I feel depressed, I'll eat some comfort food, Oh, that was good, but I ate too much,  Now I feel like crap".  Rinse & repeat!  This continued through my Senior year, and by Graduation I was up to 210 pounds.  I was miserable. What was I doing to myself?

Now, through all this I was dating the same man, eventually the man I married (and subsequently divorced).  He stuck with me through thick (very thick) and thin (we met in high school).  I grew in to a person that hated looking in the mirror, hated most clothing, and just slipped in to a deep depression.  He would try to support me, help me work out, eat better, but I just wasn't dedicated to this process.  I should have been, but I just didn't want it.

Throughout this entire time, I still worked out on a regular basis.  I just was never adjusting my caloric intake, or watching what I was eating at any time.  Honestly, I had a guy and didn't feel any real need to change myself.  This wasn't fair to him, as I needed to make a commitment to health (if nothing else).  Eventually we divorced in 2009, and I had motivation.  I got myself down to 159 pounds, but even though the scale showed a great number I wasn't happy.

For the following 2 1/2 years after the divorce, I dated a man.  This relationship was very, very unhealthy (I can say that now, but man was I devastated when he broke up with me).  I slowly put on all the weight I had lost, plus an additional 29 pounds. Yep, that's right folks, I was up to 239 pounds.  If I was unhappy with myself before, I was miserable now.  Nothing fit, I didn't want to leave the house, and now I was single (and having to take a long, close look at my life).  I went home to visit with my parents, and to see if I could get my head on straight.  There's nothing like a "no shit" conversation with your Grandma & Mother to get you back on track!  I came out of that 3 day visit feeling a lot better about what had happened, and knowing that changes needed to be made.  So, I knew what I needed to do, but could I do it?

The following week I started getting back in to the gym on a regular basis, which to me is 4-5 days a week.  I was trying some classes (Zumba, Spinning, Yoga), and getting back on the treadmill & weights.  During my first 30 days back I lost 10 pounds.  I noticed a lot of energy coming back, and I felt a lot better about this journey I had started.  I got back to working with my trainer, Dinos, and he introduced me to boxing.  Holy Cow!  Why had I not been doing this for a long time?!  Not only was I getting a great workout, but I was relieving so much stress and anger, too.  This opened a whole new reality for me, and I was digging it.

Soon after, I started doing Kickboxing & MMA style classes.  I loved learning all these different styles of martial arts.  I also loved how it made me feel, strong & powerful.  I was seeing pounds come off weekly.  By December I had lost an additional 22 pounds and was down to 199 pounds (Onederland!)!  I knew I still had a long way to go, but I was on a mission, and nothing was going to stop me...or so I thought!

(*side note - during this time I was watching what I was eating, but I was not starving myself.  My daily caloric intake was between 1500-1800 calories.  I still ate what I wanted to, just in moderation.  Starving yourself does NOT work).

Well, wouldn't you know that something had to give.  In December I found out that I wouldn't have a job for much longer.  This meant that I couldn't afford working with a trainer. Even worse, I no longer had a gym to workout in either (I had taken a job at my gym, which paid for my membership & gave me great motivation to work out).  I became very stressed out, and here came that cycle....yep, over the next 45 days I slowly gained 10 pounds.  I just had no motivation to do anything, and I wasn't treating my body very well.  I took a long look in the mirror, and reminded myself that I was worth losing weight for.

So, I Googled gyms in my area, found one that was a block from my apartment (Woohoo!).  Even better, they offered a 21 day trial, that included personal training for free (there had to be a catch, right?!).  I walked over, met with the owner, and started my trial.  The Owner asked me a lot of questions about my exercise history, so I told her...EVERYTHING!  She was so empathetic, and truly listened to me.  I was shocked, and felt so comfortable at this new gym.  She then said that she was going to be hiring some more people to do member services, and asked me to come in to interview.  I got a work out in that day, and took an application with me.  I have a Bachelor's Degree, but in this economy a job is income, regardless of what you are doing.  I went in the next day, interviewed, and was hired.  I solved two problems by going in to Go Fitness that day.  I was thrilled, and ready to get back on track.

Fast forward a month, and here I am.  Still at 209 pounds, but starting the second half of my weight-loss journey.  I started the 5 Week Metabolic Challenge yesterday.  This is not some crazy gimmick.  It's heavily monitored by a trainer, includes nutrition education, and gives you specific workouts to do when you aren't working with your trainer.  I won't lie, it isn't going to be easy, but I am a fighter.  I want this.  I want to get my athletic build back.  I want to live a long, healthy life.  Hell, I want to be able to walk up the stairs to my apartment without wheezing! I truly feel that I am on the right path.  I have a great Coach in Kathleen, and I have some support systems in awesome friends & family (and not to mention an amazing boyfriend that assists & motivates me, too).  After one day I feel a change.  I feel that old Jamie coming through.  I liked her, and don't know why I put her in a fat suit.

This blog will follow my journey, failures, successes, and measurements.  This will help me be accountable, & keep me moving forward. I know I can do this, I believe in myself.  I am just hoping that by keeping myself continually on track, that I can help someone else that has gotten in a rut (or the dreaded plateau).  We are all working on some type of journey, so I hope that you can find some sort of inspiration from this.  Please feel free to comment, question, or tell your story.  Here goes nothing...

Day 1 Measurements:
Height: 5'4"
Weight: 209
Body Fat: 36.8%

Goal (6 months):
Height: 5'4" (wish I could grow!)
Weight: 170
Body Fat: 26%